I never thought I could still have a crush on anyone like I did when I was still in high school. Back then, feeling attracted to someone I really liked gave me lots of extra energy, extra cheer, and extra motivation to do things. Today, I still have crushes. Glenn, a 17-year-old handsome boy, happens to be one of them. He’s too handsome, too perfect to be real. Yet he is real. And we’re friends and hang out regularly.
Earlier today he excitedly texted me about his having been voted in in the Star Circle Quest auditions in SM. He said he’ll be going back tomorrow for the next round of eliminations. I was glad. Because he deserves it—he’s really a beautiful boy, very malambing, affectionate.
Yet, I was a bit sad, too. Maybe because I am constantly nagged by the thought that he’s too perfectly beautiful and that I know I couldn’t and shouldn’t have him. Though, he knows–after I thought out loud about him in his presence—that I like him, and that I think he’s very handsome. I also told him, frankly, that he just might be a heartbreaker to many people who fall in love helplessly with him.
I still can recall the exact words that I told him, “You know, Glenn, you have such a handsome face that I would not feel bored even if I stared at it for hours on end.” And, I can still remember how exactly he addressed me the first time we met—”kuya.” Right then and there, I knew that I could never have him, for the reference to me as “kuya” during our first meeting seemed like a very thick wall separating us has been built beforehand.
There’s danger in store for anyone who “falls in love” with a handsome young prince such as Glenn.
One, you will have to compete with countless others for his attention and affection.
Two, your insecurities will come to the fore and haunt you. And you will tend to expect more from the relationship. You will feel jealous often. You will feel suspicious lots of times. All these are burdensome.
Three, you might be “loving” him for the wrong reason. You don’t want to love people because they are handsome, would you? That would be skin-deep love.
Four, he’s still very young. Young people are still in search of many things. And they tend to be reckless in their loving, too, because, at their age, they still are trying to put their overpowering emotions under the leash. You wouldn’t want to be anywhere near Mr. Hyde whenever he transforms back into Dr. Jekyll, would you?
But I am smart, and I’ve thought about these things. I’ve learned my lessons on young love, when I was, er, young. That’s why I am contented in just staring at him, looking at him, adoring him from a distance. I am happy enough to be just near my handsome baby.
Besides, I rarely get this close to someone so beautiful. I guess the contemplation of beautiful things and beautiful people makes me happy. I don’t have to own them. I just want to be happy contemplating on them.
(First published on my private blog in 2004. Glenn, today, is still handsome.)
Image credit: http://www.sxc.hu/profile/mai05