Jan 012004
 

Where are you, my beloved? You who unceasingly professed love and affection for me, where are you?

You hide yourself from me at this time when I’m in the pit of despair and agony, at this time in my life when all my sins pin me down and I need a Simon to help me bear my yoke all the way to Golgotha? Where are you, sweet creature, at this most bitter hour of my need?

You are far away from me. The seas divide us and keep us apart. Not even the swiftest of thoughts dare bridge us now.

Nor the warm breath of your thought could give me solace and comfort on this cold night. I shiver. I shake. I convulse with fright and fear at uncertainty.

You used to fan the flames of my hearth with your words professing love. But the embers are dead tonight. The ashes are cold. Only the black, charred remains of the fire that once raged are left. And their loneliness shatters the silence, their loneliness narrates the detailed story of pain. In the cold darkness, they bear witness to the transience of everything and pay homage to the Law of the Non-Eternal. In the dark coldness, they groan silently with me.

Ignorance abounds. The absence of joy is too glaring. The night will be long. Sunrise is far away. The sun has just set. Night is setting in, heralded by the dusk, the light dying at twilight. The curtain falls. The spotlight fades. The party’s over. Tomorrow is yet a dream about to come true.

I yearn for dawn. Even just the mere thought of the first glimmer of a soft sunbeam would be enough to get me through this night.

But there’s no sign of light anytime soon.

Everything is in complete darkness.

I have been blinded by the darkness.

I now live in oblivion.

(First published on my private blog in 2004.)

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